I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
