I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
