I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
