And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
