i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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