Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
