i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
