NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
