you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
