but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
