That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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