Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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