thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
