I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
