question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
