farters have to be the big spoon...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
