you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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