I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
