So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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