Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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