you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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