Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
