where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
