I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
