We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
