i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
