sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
