1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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