Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
