At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
