I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
