im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
