I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
