I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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