I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
