Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize