i think i have two assholes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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