I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
