it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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