and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize