Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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