i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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