Pappa wants mamma naked
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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