Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
