Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
