i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
