I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
