Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
