he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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