i barfeds in our rink
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
