Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
