Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
