Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
