Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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