Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
