so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
