we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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