My liver just broke up with me...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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