I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
