She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
