Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
