My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
