Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
