i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
