I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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