ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When are your genitals available?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
