k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
