I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found your dick twin last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
