Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
