I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just shotgunned beers for America
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize