If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize