I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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