Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
