Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize